as I suffocate myself
I remember the marks the police thought you left on me
the disbelieving look the Hispanic female officer gave
you, pulled away from me, by the sidewalk
in handcuffs
between those two men
and I stop

fuck it
I messed up the insides of my arms

had never cut there before
they were clear

for the rest of my life

of the white white stairs

of the flight

from the top